i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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