well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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