did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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