eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
