I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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