He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
