I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
