Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
4 words: hood of his car
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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