I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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