She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
