she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
