I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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