Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
