Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
