when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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