Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
