At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
