I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
