That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
