I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
