he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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