i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
