From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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