Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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