Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
