..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
