i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
