Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
