The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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