ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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