some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
