he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
