the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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