great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
