Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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