We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
