I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
