look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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