Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
