She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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