my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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