For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
