i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
