I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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