Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
