Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
