Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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