Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
