ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
