this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
