I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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