Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
