Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
