i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
