Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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