i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
