y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I could fuck to npr.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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