i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
