I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
