btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
