woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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