omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
