You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
