Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
