Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Farmville is her only friend.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Less talking, more tequila
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
