pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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