I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
