ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
