Pappa wants mamma naked
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
