Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
