seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
