was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
