why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
