i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
