whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
