My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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