dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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