In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
