This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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