I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
