my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
a search helicopter?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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