I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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