My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
