I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
