he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have fence marks all over my body
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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